Psalm 27:1 – “The Lord is my light and my salvation – so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?
In my post titled, “Be Free”, I mentioned how I allowed an individual and my thoughts affect what I thought about myself as a single mother. I had to come to the realization that God had forgiven me, I needed to forgive myself, and I needed to move on.
Well moving on wasn’t easy. While my daughter was a newborn I separated myself from everybody. I was ashamed to walk around a college campus with a newborn. When she was a toddler, it got a little better, but I had no clue what to do with me. I was just working and parenting. I soon learned that was not going to work either.
I did not want to resume that lifestyle of juggling guys in and out of my home for relief from loneliness. I refused to drag my child’s father in the picture. Not because I wanted to keep her away from him, but because I didn’t have time to entertain the immature conversation. I accepted the fact that I had the responsibility of the emotional health of my daughter and me.
I had to make a choice to not let my past dictate my future.
The Lord is my Light.
I was by myself. 4 hours away from home. School 4 days a week, while also working 5 nights a week. You want to know what I had…all I had was my church family, my coach, and her family. They were my light. While I did what I needed to do with what I had God provided the rest. They were my source of hope. They were the light I needed in that season. I chose to cling close to those who were genuinely there to receive me. Then it got better…
The Lord is my Salvation.
Oh, how He is my salvation. Through tears, I thought my baby was going to be a burden on me. I was selfish with my time, my affection, and my heart. God truly delivered me. I lost the desire to entertain what was going on on a college campus that didn’t add value to me. I never thought the birth of a child would show me what I was truly capable of. It showed me the purpose of who I was created to be and that it was more to me than getting cute for the night scene! My life has purpose…it gives birth to purpose. I chose to walk a new path of giving rather than taking.
The Lord is my Fortress.
I’ll be honest, what attracted me to my child’s father was not only his handsome features, but his green pockets. He paid for EVERYthing. But after telling him I was pregnant at just 6 weeks, he was gone with the wind! Lol. (Ok, that’s not funny…but that’s funny!) When I gave birth to her I chose not to beg him for a dime and I wasn’t going to settle for the next man who came my way with green pockets. That wasn’t an option for me.
I was a waitress, so I made the tips work for what I could. I stretched my loan refund as far as could. I cut back on things that weren’t necessities and didn’t live above my means. And most importantly, I tithed no matter what believing God would take care of the rest. I can boldly say we never went without a meal, without a roof over our head, and I never missed an episode of The Game on BET! Won’t He do it?!?!?! Lol.
Bottom line is, the choice we make determines our tomorrow. My choice was to embrace this new life I had the privilege of taking care of and not letting circumstances around me dictate my decisions. I paid attention to who I had for help and went with the flow until I was ready for what was next.
There is power in the choices you make… ❤