When I had my daughter I initially felt like my life was over and that I was no longer useful to the Kingdom of God. I was ashamed because of my situation with her father. I also isolated myself and there were plenty of nights that I just cried myself to sleep.
As I continue on my faith journey, I have been challenged to remember the “spiritual markers” (moments where God alone was the only way I made it through) that have made this journey bittersweet…
I can remember something on the inside of me saying “GO” when I got pregnant with my child in my sophomore year in college. I could have moved back home, but I chose to persevere as a single mother-student-athlete at a very popular HBCU…if you catch my drift. I finished.
I could have chose to settle for one of the umptenth guys I had dated to be my daughter’s stepfather…but there was a voice in the wind that said, “there’s more”…and I followed.
I could have let the shame and embarrassment keep me from being active in church. I could have. But somewhere someone told me, “God forgives you and He still has a plan for your life”. So, I left shame and embarrassment somewhere, someday, and I began to serve.
Now, I am not sharing my spiritual markers with you to brag on myself. I am sharing them with you, and me, so we can find hope in where we are right now. So many times we hear new level, new devil but it does not register with us until we are in the fight!
Through this post I want you to know I am standing in the gap for us. Life is after me too! I understand those tears you cry because you can’t seem to catch a break. I understand that smile you fake so others won’t truly see the worries or fears you have on your mind…Sis, I understand!
Let me tell you, this struggle we are in is nothing but the weight God is using to strengthen us to prepare us for what’s to come next. I know it hurts, but God is in a season of restoration and preparation. He’s showing us what we’re made of in-spite of our circumstances. He needs us strong enough, so that we may encourage our children, co-workers, church family, or whoever we come in contact with.
Everyday we wake up lets look at it as another day to make progress…
Romans 5:3-5 “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”