A lot of times in the past people have come up to me and told me how strong I am or appear to be. Often times I just giggled and politely said thank you. Here lately though, I have been thinking about what people possibly see in me that have yet to see in myself. Trying to develop a new perspective, I have asked myself: How did I handle the results of having to raise a child on my own? How do I remain strong?
I took a trip down memory lane…
When I accepted the fact that I was pregnant. I thought about what kind of mother would I be. I had friends and family members who constantly stayed into verbal altercations with their child’s father. I also witnessed my mother having to go back and forth to court for child support hearings that my father barely, if ever, showed up to. After witnessing all of that, I made a conscious decision that DaVarika would carry herself like a woman should and just be a mother to her child; while God handled the rest. I would not be a woman with “baby momma drama”. I would not have men in and out of my babies life. And I definitely was not going to allow the world influence the way I raised my child. Such as music, television shows, or anything else. I started praying like a mad woman in April of 2010. I was determined to surround my daughter with the ways of God.
Romans 8:26-27 “And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s will.” NLT
As a result of my decision, I wanted to prepare myself spiritually! Now, I don’t want you to form this picture in your mind of me head first in my bible, on bending knee, and spreading oil all over my body. I had to grow into that. LOL. On a serious note though, back then when I first started to trust God with my future: I cried, I cried, and I cried some more. I was weak and had no “mature” words to say as it pertained to my current, upcoming, and future situation. All I knew was who I wanted to be and what I wanted to accomplish. My mind frame was putting this God, I have been taught and was continually learning about to the test for myself. (Malachi 3:10) All I had, literally, was this mustard seed faith to stand on.
Colossians 3:2-3 “Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you have died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.” NLT
Then I prepared myself mentally. My pastor often tells us to prepare ourselves for where we want to go. I was about to be a mother. So I needed to equip myself with knowledge on parenting. I read books, watched clean parenting shows on TLC, and researched the benefits of breastfeeding. I did my homework to cover the foundation of my parenting skills. When “Little A” got here, that was a whole new adjustment.
Psalm 121:1-2 “I lift up my eyes to the mountains-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” NIV
Now that I understand that God orders the steps of every good man (Psalm 37:23) and that He has plans to prosper us (Jeremiah 29:11) as long as we stay obedient to His word (1 Samuel 15:22). My strength has been birthed from the conscious decision I made to trust God. I let faith lead the way and made my actions line up with the Word of God. I am not saying that I have been perfect in following instructions, but having a repentant heart and striving to stay focused is something I do know God is pleased with. It’s easy to get tripped up without staying focused. (I’ll talk about how I learned that the hard way in another post)
In conclusion, my faith, striving to stay in God’s boundaries for my life, and releasing my cares (worries, doubts, fears, etc.) to God is what has helped me to develop and maintain the strength to do what needs to be done for the sake of my daughter and me. ❤